When I first got married, I thought I was an expert in respect. I knew how to respect my parents, especially my dad…I only moped a little when I didn’t like what he said. I knew how to come under authority…at least those who I felt were truly in authority over me. And when I had something to say, I would give my two cents in a humble manner…mostly…well, half the time…maybe…
Okay, so obviously I was full of it. And I found that out not long AFTER getting married. The Lord wanted to do a lot of work on me in this area. I had a long way to go in respecting my husband.
The truth is though, that I STILL have a long way to go. In some things, it comes more easily…but there are some areas where it’s still a real struggle for me. I have to be really conscious and prayerful when situations come up where I feel that little rebellious streak rear her ugly head.
Now you have to understand, my husband is amazing. He is not domineering; he is very gentle with me…mostly. He is still human too after all. But this is the way he challenged me in an area that I am very defensive about…because I know I fail in this area a lot.
The TV.
I know I watch far too much television than I should, and the Lord has convicted me on this and is walking me through it. But I had been watching one of my silly shows, and hubby gently called me out on it.
He asked me if I thought I should be watching it. I quickly assured him that it was harmless, which maybe it was, but he countered in a way I wasn’t expecting. He asked me if I thought was a beneficial show, if I thought it was bringing anything worthwhile into our home. And if it wasn’t, maybe I shouldn’t watch it.
My Response
I was totally taken aback. My first reaction was, “well he should talk! What about all the harmless-yet-non-beneficial entertainment he engaged in? What about…what about…what about…?” I quickly decided that I was completely justified in watching this series and that he didn’t exactly tell me to stop.
And then the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart, “do you want to show him you respect him?”
Oomph. Of course I respected him. And he didn’t command that I immediately stop watching, he didn’t point his finger in my face and tell me I was a terrible person if I didn’t stop. He simply brought his concern to me and left it up to me.
So of course, I did have the choice. I could disregard what he said and continue watching my series…it was just getting to the good part, too. Or I could show my husband that I appreciate his input. I could show him that his words have value in my decisions. I could show him that I trust his leadership. I could show him that I respect him.
Ladies, more and more I’m finding out that true respect is in the little things. It’s in the way I respond when my husband asks me to grab him a cookie while I’m up in the kitchen. It’s in the way I act when my husband doesn’t use his blinker while we’re driving home from church. It’s in what I say in my heart when I have to submit to a small decision that I don’t like or agree with (like not grabbing ice cream on the way through town).
It’s easy to respect my hubby in the bigger things, or at least to outwardly respect him. But if my heart doesn’t respect him, or is nitpicky toward him, or grumbles about his leadership, then I am the one who answers to God for that. I am the one in the wrong.
God’s Word Says…
Ephesians 5 is somewhat of a controversial chapter. In this culture, we wives don’t like to be told to submit to our husbands. But it is so necessary for the function of marriage, and really for the whole family. The husband is the head of the home. This is not an outdated philosophy, this is the way God designed it because He cares about our hearts as His daughters. This passage is important instruction for us.
But even before addressign specific relationships, passage, Paul writes these words:
Therefore, do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation: but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Ephesians 5:17-21 NKJV
As believers, we should live lives of submission. We should esteem others higher than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). And may I submit to you, Ladies, that this practice starts in our own home?
The Lord really used this moment to challenge me. And in offering this same challenge to you: to look for little ways to respect your husband. It isn’t always easy. I need a lot of prayer! But one easy way to start is by praying FOR your husband too. He’s got a tough job too. He needs your respect and support. You play a huge, influential role in his life. Let us speak truth and life into the lives of our husbands.
Thanks for letting me share with you. God bless you and your homes!
With love,
Morgan
